Just Another Regret
by thatswhatyouget5
Summary: Friends? We could never be just friends, Ryan." What happens if they try? Marissa and Ryan learn that the ultimate test of endurance is just trying to stay friends. Jealousy and Angst included. RM obviously with Summer/Seth/Zack. Read and give feedback!
1. Prologue

**A/N- So here's a new story. Not my first even though it's the first on this account. It's starts in season 2 I guess. But some of it is AU. It's about Ryan and Marissa's constant struggle to move on from each other (and how they can't), and the same for Seth and Summer. Mostly R/M though. Well anyway, I'm going to post the first chapter too that way you get a taste of the story. Reviews are welcome. Well actually they aren't welcome, they are demanded. So there you go. Ahaha. Anyway, REVIEW!**

**-Thatswhatyouget5**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the O.C, TheWB does. because if I did own the show, Marissa would still be alive and she would be married to Ryan.**

**Prologue**

The seagulls chirped as the sea breeze scented the Newport air. Surfers drove their trucks to the beach and ran toward the water with their surfboards. Expensive cars lined the streets. Students were seen making their way up the steps of Newport's Harbor High School. They were seen walking in groups to the student lounge to grab coffee before classes began.

In the student lounge, Marissa Cooper was seen drinking her coffee (probably spiked with expensive vodka) whilst sitting on a tan leather couch. There's a hint of gloominess in her light blue eyes. This probably has something to do with her breakup from her delicious Latin yard boy, DJ, and the reason for their breakup, Ryan Atwood. It's too bad Ryan seems smitten by Lindsey Gardner, the dorky scholarship girl. Rumor has it that Lindsey is Ryan's illegitimate adoptive aunt. _How tacky_; dating your adoptive aunt.

Speaking of the couple, they are also seen in the lounge, sitting at one of the provided tables drinking coffee. Lindsey speaks with enthusiasm, talking about an upcoming bio test. Ryan gives Lindsey a smile. A smile that seems a little fake; _almost forced_. His eyes wander around the room, looking for an escape, landing on a pair of familiar light blue eyes. He sees the owner of the pair of eyes offer a smile and wave her hand. His eyes that were filled with boredom are now filled with regret. Because when he sees her smile, _he can't help but smile back_. And when she waves, _he can't help but wave back_. And while he shares a moment with her, he can't help but think back to the times when you couldn't say "Ryan" without adding an "and Marissa" to the end. Because that's how they were, Ryan and Marissa, the couple that couldn't seem to get enough of each other, the couple that loved each other, the truly _perfect_ couple. Ryan caught himself thinking about her again and quickly tore his gaze away from Marissa's, before Lindsey noticed. And then he let his eyes wander around the room….._again_. Secretly looking for an escape….._again_.

At the other side of the room Summer Roberts is seen, being her usual drama queenish self, arguing with her ex, Seth Cohen, about whatever they argue about. If you just glanced at Summer and Seth, you probably wouldn't notice Summer's annoyed-looking boyfriend, Zack, getting used to the familiar sound of his girlfriend arguing with her ex. _Oh, how we love Orange County_.


	2. I Miss the Sound of Your Voice

**A/N-So here's the first chapter as I promised. Hope you like it. No wait, I hope you LOVE it. Because that would make me happy :] Oh and Btw, this chapter's title is from the song Come on Get Higher by Matt Nathanson. I'll be using a lyric for every chapter title. Anyway, Review!**

**-thatswhatyouget5**

**I Miss the Sound of Your Voice**

14-28-30. Ryan said in his thoughts as he entered his combination into his locker. 14 for the age when he had his first girlfriend. 28 for the age he would get married. 30 for the age he would have his first child. He had figured out this little pneumonic when he was talking on the phone with Marissa. Marissa Cooper. Every little thing he did reminded him of her. Driving in the Range Rover, Walking up the school steps, ordering coffee, even opening his locker would bombard his mind with thoughts of his ex. He thought about her more than he thought about his current girlfriend. Seth assured Ryan it was normal to think about your ex a lot. But then again, what did Seth know about relationships. _He's only ever had one relationship, _Ryan thought. Even though he had a girlfriend, and he and Marissa decided on being friends, this getting over Marissa thing was hard.

* * *

He finished getting his books out of his locker and tried to remember what class he had next. _World Cultures, Marissa's in that class, _Ryan remembered. That seemed to put him in a better mood. He began to walk the way to World Cultures when he heard a voice calling his name.

"Ryan! Hey!" called the voice. The voice that never failed to make Ryan's heart beat and his insides feel funny. He stopped the motion in his legs and turned to look at her. She had her hair down and parted to the side. An oversized maroon Harbor sweatshirt draped over her skinny frame and her dark blue skinny jeans. _Marissa's the only one who could wear that and still look beautiful, _Ryan thought.

"Helloooo? Ryan?" Marissa said teasingly, interrupting Ryan from his thoughts.

"What? Oh sorry. I was just uh, daydreaming." Ryan tried to explain himself.

"Must've been a pretty good daydream to distract you from me," Marissa said with a smile that said _just kidding_.

_Oh believe me, it was, _Ryan wanted to say but didn't have the guts to. There was just no way to explain the fantasy he was having about his ex.

"Yeah, I guess," Ryan said instead, taking faster steps to try to match Marissa's pace.

"What was it about?" Marissa asked innocently.

Ryan tried to think of something that would take all suspicion from Marissa's mind.

"A giant cookie," he decided on with a smile, knowing it would make her laugh that beautiful laugh of hers.

"You loser," she giggled. "What kind of person daydreams of a giant cookie before World Cultures class?"

"A cool one," Ryan half smiled.

* * *

Soon they got to the decorated door of the World Cultures room.

"After you," Ryan said as he held open the door for Marissa. _Friends do that for each other right? _He wondered.

They took their seats in the middle of the large classroom. They sat in rows: Ryan next to Seth, Seth next to Summer, and Summer next to Marissa. They all got out their notebooks and pencils and waited for Mrs. Corbin to get off the phone.

She finally got off the phone and walked to the center of the room.

"So as you guys know, the sophomore class trip is coming up soon, and the staff of the school has decided on an acceptable location for the trip to be held. Factoring in the school fund and your parents donations, we were able to afford to hold the trip in Palm Springs," she announced before the ringing of the phone interrupted her.

"Ugh! What now!" Mrs. Corbin yelled with an annoyed tone. She took a look at the caller ID and announced, "Hold on class, I gotta take this."

"Palm Springs dude! Palm Springs! Hanging by the pool, the great outdoors, maybe even a little golf action," Seth began rambling.

Ryan glanced over at Marissa and Summer, who were also rambling excitedly. Even he could admit he was excited. Soon, Mrs. Corbin finally hung up the phone.

"Alright class, settle. We still have some details to go over," she sighed as she read off the details paper and handed one out to each student. "Each homeroom will get a beach house in Palm Spring resort. That's about 10 houses. Each has 5 bedrooms, 5 ½ bathrooms, a family room, a living room, a kitchen, a dining room, a laundry room, and a sunroom. We will be staying there for 4 nights and 5 days, and 3 out of the 5 days we will be taking side trips to local places to seek out educational opportunities."

The entire class began ranting in excitement before being stopped by Mrs. Corbin.

"Shhh. We still have to figure out sleeping arrangements," she yelled over the class.

"For the sake of our emotional well-being," she began, "I will let you pick your roommates."

The class burst out in excitement again. Everyone fighting and agreeing about who they would be rooming with.

"Quiet!" Mrs. Corbin struggled to get the class under control. When they were finally hushed, she began speaking again. "I do have requirements for the rooms though. Number one, no co-ed rooms. I don't want any fooling around on this trip. Number two, I have to approve all sleeping arrangements first. And number 3, the sleeping arrangements you decide now are going to be the ones for the whole trip, so no switching rooms," she said strictly.

"Alright well there are about 15 of you, 8 girls 7 boys. So that means each room will have 3 people In it, except for 2 rooms which will be 4 and 2. I'll give you girls 3 rooms to separate yourselves in, and the boys 2. And I expect arrangements to be done by the end of this period. You can begin separating yourselves now."

* * *

It was soon decided that Seth, Ryan, and Zack would share a room, and Marissa and Summer would have to room with 2 people. At the end of class, everyone seemed satisfied with the arrangements and had no problems. The bell rang and then Ryan, Marissa, Seth and Summer would be headed to the lounge for their free period.

The Fab Four walked down to the lounge together, talking about their trip.

When they arrived at the lounge, they saw Lindsey sitting at their usual table and took their seats around her. Ryan gave her a peck on the cheek before sitting in the chair next to her.

"So Lindsey, did Mr. Duffy explain the class trip to your homeroom yet?" Seth asked before taking a sip of his latte.

"Yeah he did actually. Palm Springs sounds pretty cool. And each homeroom gets their own beach house, that's even cooler," Lindsey said nonchalantly.

"I know right! Zack, Ryan, and I will be sharing a room and Sum and Marissa will be in the room across from us. Not so we can spy on them or anything like that," Seth rambled.

"In your dreams, Cohen!" Summer snapped.

"I was joking woman! Can't you take a joke?" Seth defended himself.

Everyone rolled their eyes as Summer and Seth argued over the room arrangements.

"Oh that's right, I forgot you guys were all in the same homeroom," Lindsey muttered nervously to Ryan and Marissa. She couldn't help but feel jealous of Marissa and her perfect hair, her perfect skin, her perfect everything. She felt a little lucky though, because Ryan was with her when Marissa obviously wanted him. Too bad Lindsey didn't know how Ryan felt about Marissa, his first love.


	3. Never a Clean Break

**A/N-You're lucky I don't have anything to do today :] That's why I'm posting this chapter. This one centers on Marissa and her thoughts about Ryan and the breakup (there'll be a flashback in this chapter). If you're disappointed with the amount of R/M in this chapter, I promise major R/M next chapter. And also, this chapter's lyric is from Breathe by Taylor Swift ft. Colbie Calliat. I thought it fit the storyline, plus I love the song :] Well Anyway, Enjoy! And Review!**

**-Thatswhatyouget5**

**Never a Clean Break, No One Here to Save Me**

After free period, time seemed to be on fast forward until lunch for the Fab Four plus Lindsey. The gang found themselves having trouble concentrating on school when there was a 5-day trip to be excited about.

The bell rang, and Marissa picked up her books from her desk and headed for her locker. She entered her combination into the dial and pulled on the lever, but the door wouldn't budge. _Why can I never open this damn locker! _Marissa cursed in her thoughts. She tried once again, but failed once more.

"Having trouble Coop?" asked the voice of her best friend.

"Yeah Sum, could you do it for me?"

"Yeah, move out of the way," Summer said before she entered Marissa's combination into the locker. There was no need ask Marissa for her combination, because she had already known it by heart. She needed to know it for all the times she had to get into Marissa's locker to drop off notes or borrow make up.

"Thanks Sum, I don't know why I'm never able to get it," Marissa sighed.

"Yeah I think it's cause you're uncoordinated. Let's get to lunch before Cohen purposely takes the seat next to me," Summer tried to hurry Marissa.

"Jeez Sum, why are you so against him, you loved him like 6 months ago," Marissa asked with a questioning voice.

"Ew, don't ask me that Coop. I'll answer that if you tell me why you're pretending to be Ryan's friend. We all know you and Chino could never be just friends," Summer tried to change the subject.

"Come on Sum, you know it's not like that, I'm over him," Marissa tried to prove Summer wrong. _Can she tell I'm lying? _She wondered.

"Yeah, okay, sure," Summer sounded amused. The truth was Marissa wasn't over Ryan and his adorable ways. Every minute of every day she found herself thinking about the times she spent with Ryan. The way his eyes sparkled when he talked to her, the way his arms would wrap around her protectively when they were around water-polo freaks, and above all, _the way he always saved her from herself_. She completely regretted breaking it off with him. She could still see the hurt in his eyes when she said those fateful words.

* * *

_Flashback_

_Marissa pulled her phone out of her purse and held it for awhile. She knew she had to break up with him, she just knew. She knew the longer she stayed with him, the longer drama would just follow her around. Her life could really use less drama, and she knew that that was never going to happen while she was with Ryan. She was in love with him, but she just couldn't do this any longer. _

_She finally flipped open the phone and held down the number 5, Ryan's speed dial. _

"_Hello?" Ryan's familiar voice was static-filled through the phone._

"_Hey Ry, it's me," Marissa muttered quietly._

"_Riss? What's wrong? You sound like you are crying," Ryan accused._

_Her heart sank as she heard the concern in Ryan's voice._

"_Nothing's wrong. Can you just, meet me at the lifeguard stand," Marissa requested while tears started to well in her eyes._

"_Yeah sure, be right there," Ryan answered immediately. _

_Marissa hung up right after Ryan agreed to meet her. She grabbed her jacket and headed for the lifeguard stand._

_She saw Ryan standing by the railing, staring at the ocean. Her heart sank once more as she remembered what she was there for._

_As soon as Ryan saw her he ran up to her and wrapped his arms around her, sensing that she was cold. He leaned in and planted a gentle kiss on her lips._

"_Hey," he said their traditional greeting with a smile. He leaned in to kiss her again but Marissa pulled back with a hurt look on her face._

"_What's wrong?" Ryan asked with concern in his eyes._

"_Ryan, I- I can't be with you anymore," Marissa whispered with her eyes closed._

"_What?" Ryan asked, clearly confused._

_Marissa began speaking again, careful not to make eye contact with Ryan. "I can't be with you anymore."_

"_What? What do you mean?" Ryan unwrapped his arms from around Marissa's waist and took a step back._

"_I thought we could make this work, but we just can't. Too much has happened," Marissa whispered while tears fell from her closed eyes. _

"_I don't understand," Ryan whispered back, "We've been just fine."_

_Marissa finally looked up at him, only to see his hurt expression and his sad-looking eyes. She looked back down._

"_When I'm with you Ryan, drama follows me around. I just can't deal with that anymore," Marissa tried to explain._

"_We don't have to break up." Ryan tried before moving in to hold her again._

_Marissa just pushed him away. "Yeah, we do Ryan, I'm sorry." Marissa took one last look at Ryan's extremely hurt expression, then turned and ran away before Ryan could see her sobbing uncontrollably. _

_End of Flashback_

* * *

Marissa's face fell as she remembered. Her throat began to hurt just like it did before she started crying. She quickly stopped herself, and put a smile on her face before walking into the lunch area with Summer.

They immediately spotted Seth at their table, along with Ryan and Lindsey. Marissa felt her face fall again. She couldn't help but be bitter towards Lindsey. After all, she was the girl the love of her life was dating. She couldn't understand what Ryan saw in Lindsey. To Marissa, Lindsey was completely boring; Plain looking, smart, and unsocial. _The complete opposite of me_, Marissa thought.

Marissa and Summer took their seats next to each other, Marissa across from Ryan, and Summer across from Lindsey.

"Cohen, move. Zack's the one who sits next to me. Why are you always trying to change the seating arrangements!" Summer yelled at Seth.

"I'm just trying to change things up a little, you know, _be fresh_," Seth explained.

"More like ruin things," Summer muttered.

"Could we please just have one lunch where you guys aren't fighting!" Ryan stepped in.

"Whatever."

"So, how has your morning been?" Marissa asked Ryan and Lindsey.

"Boring," Lindsey answered. _Like you?_ Marissa thought.

"Boring as Mr. Duffy's head," Lindsey said laughing. Ryan began laughing too.

"What?" Marissa asked confused.

"Oh it's an inside joke Marissa, you wouldn't get it," Lindsey said giggling.

_Inside jokes huh? Two can play that game, _Marissa suddenly got angry.

As soon as Ryan and Lindsey got settled down Marissa asked, "So Ry, have you dreamt of any giant cookies lately?"

Ryan laughed again, "No, unfortunately," Ryan smiled his famous half smile at Marissa, making her insides melt.

"Cookies?" Lindsey asked interrupting Ryan and Marissa's moment.

"Oh, Lindsey. It's an inside joke, you wouldn't understand." Marissa shot Lindsey a vengeful look.

Lindsey glared at Marissa. "You're right Marissa; I don't understand why girls like you make inside jokes with guys who are already taken."

The table suddenly became quiet and Marissa and Lindsey were glaring at each other.

Ryan sensed the tension and quickly said, "Come on Lindsey, let's go throw out trash away. Ryan led Lindsey from the table to the trash cans.

* * *

"What was that back there?!" Ryan demanded.

"What do you mean what was that back there!? Marissa just said that giant cookie thing to piss me off!" Lindsey defended herself.

"I didn't see it," Ryan stated, obviously angry.

"Of course you didn't," Lindsey muttered.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you always take Marissa's side, Ryan!" Lindsey yelled.

"There are no sides, okay," Ryan sighed.

"Look, I know Marissa can do things to make you angry. But you just have to brush it off, it's not worth it," Ryan tried to comfort Lindsey.

"It's just the way she acts when she feels threatened," Ryan said all knowingly.

"Cosmo girl. Threatened by me. Okay sure," Lindsey mumbled skeptically.

"Come on. Let's get back," Ryan sighed.

* * *

The bell rang and their lunch period was over. The gang headed toward the locker commons and split up. As soon as Marissa got her locker open (with help from Summer) she got her things and hurried to Ryan's locker. She felt the need to apologize to him after what happened with Lindsey.

Marissa tapped on his shoulder and waited for him to turn around. He looked at her and blankly stated, "Hey Riss."

"Hey Ry, sorry about the whole Lindsey thing, I don't know what got to me," Marissa apologized.

"Why do you hate her so much?" Ryan asked.

"I don't hate her. I just- It's hard to see you with her," Marissa admitted.

Ryan felt his heart rate increase. He was hoping she would say that. All he wanted to do now was wrap her in his arms and kiss her. But he wouldn't give her the satisfaction. After all, she was the one who broke it off with him. Even though he was still in love with her, a part of him wanted her to feel the hurt he felt when she broke up with him. That was part of the reason he was dating Lindsey.

"We're friends Marissa, you chose that," He stated before he walked away. Leaving Marissa filled with regret…._again_.


	4. Let's Dance in Style

**A/N-Whoa, that week went by quick. Which is good because I can't write on weekdays :] This one's for you people who can't get over The Epic Couple (Ryan&Marissa). And this chapter's title is from The Epic Song (Ryan&Marissa's song) Forever Young by Youth Group. You'll see why. :] And I know that they didn't find their song till the 3****rd**** season but we can pretend it was the 1****st****. Anyways, Enjoy and Review! Feedback is what keeps me going!**

**-Thatswhatyouget5**

**Let's Dance in Style, Let's Dance for Awhile**

A week had passed since the Marissa vs. Lindsey moment at lunch. The day after the mishap, the two girls did not speak to each other, let alone make eye contact. Soon though, Marissa being the non-grudge-holding person she is, broke the rock hard ice and made small talk with Lindsey at lunch the next day. Now, mainly everyone was pretending that it never happened, which was fine with Marissa, Lindsey, and not to mention, Ryan.

But as we know, drama-free days don't last for long in Orange County. The Palm Springs trip was approaching fast and the sophomore girls of Harbor High School were just starting to gossip about what they had packed for the trip. Naturally, the sophomore guys had yet to touch a suit case.

* * *

Marissa and Summer arrived at the lunch table before anyone else. Marissa was kind of glad. She couldn't remember the last time it was just her and Summer talking.

"So Coop, which bathing suits did you pack?" Summer asked, hoping to spark a conversation. She was getting sick of the awkward silence that filled the air between them.

Marissa swallowed her food before speaking, "Hm, well actually I was hoping you could help me with that. I know I'm going to bring the green one, but what else?"

"Which green one, you have at least three green ones, Coop. And don't forget the metallic gold one, you know the one with the bows on the hips; it's Ryan's favorite."

"Sum! Could you be any louder? And plus, how do you even know it's his favorite?" Marissa wondered.

"Cohen told me. Apparently guys talk about those sorts of things. Who knew, huh?"

Secretly, Marissa made a mental note to remember to bring her gold bathing suit. Even she had to admit that one looked best on her. And she would do anything to draw attention from Ryan.

Marissa and Summer's girl time was interrupted when Seth and Ryan came and sat at the lunch table.

"Hello Ladies. Lovely day, ain't it?" Seth said attempting a Southern accent.

"What's with the accent Cohen? It's cheesy and lame. Stop it." Summer became irritated by Seth's presence.

"Anyway, Coop and I were just talking about what we packed for the Palm Springs trip," Summer chewed.

Ryan and Seth's bored faces twisted into looks of realization as they realized they hadn't packed anything.

"I'm guessing you guys haven't packed yet," Marissa smiled. She should've known. They are male after all.

"We haven't gotten around to it," Ryan said shyly.

"You do know the trip is a week away" Summer said matter-of-factly.

"Oh that's alright guys, me and Sum will come over and help you guys pack, right Sum?" Marissa sounded excited, her thoughts filled with plans.

Summer shot Marissa a confused look, not knowing where her best friend was going with this. But Marissa's anxious eyes urged Summer to state, "Uh, sure Coop."

"Great! So what do you guys say?" Marissa urged them on.

Seth looked ecstatic. He thought of him and Summer in his room going through his clothes and smiled.

"Yeah! Of course! I could never refuse an offer from two packing protégés like you guys," Seth answered excitedly for both him and Ryan, not giving Ryan a choice.

"Yeah, I could use the help," Ryan said looking away. He knew he couldn't reject them after his annoying brother Seth just accepted the invitation.

"Awesome! So I'll help you in the pool house Ry, and Sum can help Cohen! We'll be over there at 5!" Marissa grinned, officially ending the conversation.

* * *

Summer's silver convertible pulled into the Cohen's driveway, blasting upbeat "chick tunes" as Seth liked to call them. The car held two beautiful girls wearing tight halter tops and shorts so short they could pass as underwear. They laughed at the buff men whistling at them from across the street.

"I can't believe you got me to agree to this" Summer breathed as she finished laughing.

"Come on Sum, it's not gonna be that bad," Marissa said while she took off her oversized aviators.

"For you maybe! If you're lucky, Ryan probably won't talk at all! But Cohen will keep running that ugly hole he calls a mouth. I'll have to listen to his rambling for hours!"

"Be a good sport please. This was the only way I could get Ryan to agree to hang out with me," Marissa admitted while she opened her door.

"Oh! So that's what this is about. I should've known!" Summer slammed her door.

"Please, Sum. I need to fix things," Marissa pleaded with her eyes.

Summer sighed and walked up to the Cohen's door. "Fine. You're lucky I love you, bitch," she smiled.

Marissa smiled in satisfaction as she rang the expensive door bell. The door opened to reveal Kirsten Cohen. She looked pretty for her age, with her golden hair and soft motherly eyes, Marissa thought. And not that plastic surgery fake pretty you saw most of the time in Newport.

"Hey Girls," Kirsten smiled, "I haven't seen you guys around here in awhile."

"Yeah," Summer and Marissa smiled back, not knowing how to respond.

Kirsten saw the awkwardness in their eyes, "Well it's good to see you guys." She smiled before pulling them into a lady like hug.

"Well I guess we'll just go find the guys then," Summer sighed, "See you later Mrs. Cohen." Marissa and Summer waved at Kirsten before parting ways. Marissa walked out the back door to the pool house, and Summer climbed up the stairs to Seth's room.

* * *

Marissa walked the all-too-familiar path to the pool house Ryan had all to himself. Her mind flooded with memories of their times in the pool house. The make-out sessions, the fights, and the times when all they did was watch TV. It killed her to think that they couldn't do those things anymore. Even fighting with Ryan was enjoyable, but only because it was Ryan, and she knew Ryan couldn't stay mad at her forever.

She knocked on the glass door before pushing it open and walking in. She saw Ryan lifting a wife beater over his head before putting on a new one.

"Hey Ry," Marissa announced her presence, causing Ryan to turn around.

"Hey," Ryan greeted her back, before smiling.

"So I'm here. Where do we start?" Marissa asked.

"We don't have to pack my things. I could just ask Kirsten to do it."

"Nonsense," she shooed away his proposal, "I didn't come here for nothing."

"Okay," Ryan sighed. He couldn't get out of this so he might as well stop trying.

"Alright well let's get started then. I'll take the closet, you take the dresser."

Ryan thanked Marissa in his mind. His boxers were in his dresser, and he was glad he wouldn't have to face the awkwardness of her looking through his boxers. He got out is biggest suit case, opened it, then laid it on his bed.

* * *

Marissa made her way to Ryan's closet. As she was walking she noticed the pictures of her and Ryan that used to be on the wall weren't there anymore. Instead, there were pictures of Seth, Kirsten and Sandy, and Theresa and Trey. Her heart sank. Those pictures used to be her reassurance. Even after they had broken up, Ryan had kept the pictures up. They had given Marissa the hope that one day things would be okay. And now that they weren't there anymore, she didn't know what to think. She felt the tears well up in her eyes and muttered, "Nice pictures."

"Did you say something?" Ryan came out from the bathroom.

"No. I was just talking to myself," She quickly covered herself up.

She opened the loud door to Ryan's walk-in closet and looked around. Jeans were hung on hangers and Suits were hung next to them. She looked up at the shelves. There were sleeping bags, flashlights, empty storage containers, and labeled cardboard boxes. The one particular box that stood out to her was labeled, _M's Stuff_. She took a stool, placed it in front of the box, and then stood on it so she could take the box down. It was not that heavy, but she could definitely tell there were a lot of things in it.

She put it on the stool and took a good look at. The box was neatly taped. _Was _being the key word, seeing the packing tape was ripped. Hinting that it had been open after it was taped. It also had less dust on it than the other boxes did, so it obviously was looked at frequently.

After observing the outside of the box, she contemplated on what to do. Marissa had always been the anxious one so she decided she would open it. She neatly opened the box, making sure not to give any obvious evidence that she had touched it.

As she looked inside, she gasped as she realized what the "M" in "M's Stuff" meant.

Inside the box, there were loads of random things: pictures, a dry towel, a stuffed bear, pieces of confetti, and a CD. Tears welled up in her eyes as she examined each item.

The pictures were the ones that used to be hanging on the wall. They were smiling in all of them, and in one they were gazing in each other's eyes with pure love.

The dry towel, Marissa remembered, was from their first "date" when Marissa came over to hang out with Ryan and she pushed him into the pool. She remembered him wrapping it around her shoulders before rubbing his hands up and down her arms, in an attempt to make her warm. She held it up to her face and inhaled, it smelled of chlorine and her perfume.

The stuffed bear was from that magical night at the kick-off carnival, when they shared their epic first kiss on the Ferris wheel. She remembered what it was like to have Ryan's lips around hers and trembled a little, not knowing if she would ever have the feeling again.

The piece of confetti was from New Year' Eve, when Ryan came at just the right time. She remembered being with Oliver and just hoping that Ryan would miraculously show up, before Ryan's panting face burst out of the doors. It was also the night when Ryan had first said, "I love you" to her. She smiled as the remembered what she said after he said it, "Thank you."

And last but not least, the CD. This was the only item in the box Marissa was unsure about. Curiosity got the best of Marissa so she walked to Ryan's stereo, opened the purple CD case, and put the disc in the stereo. She didn't remember that Ryan was also in the pool house, and she didn't notice that he was watching her from the other side of the room.

* * *

Marissa waited and waited for the track to start playing. Finally, a familiar guitar riff came on and the voices started:

_Let's dance in style, let's dance for awhile Heaven can wait, we're only watching the skies_

The tears pooled up in her eyes again threatening to fall down her face. It was _their _song. The song that the radio randomly played at that exact minute Ryan and Marissa were searching for their song. The song that they graciously danced to in front of the pool house. The song that Marissa refused to listen to after the break up because it only made her cry.

Ryan recognized this too. Out of nowhere, the song he had been trying to get out of his head for months played. For Ryan, this song was absurd. He had burned a CD with this song on it the day after they had declared it was their song. The day after the break up, Ryan got a big cardboard box, labeled it _M's Stuff _in black sharpie, and put everything that reminded him of her in that box. Of course he put the towel in there. It smelled of her and that smell only brought sorrow to his mind now. And of course he put the stuffed bear and the confetti in there. What good did it do for him to keep the mementos of their relationship? The CD was yet another thing that he just had to put away. He took it from its nearly permanent spot in his Stereo and put it away. He couldn't listen to it and get a good feeling like he used to. The only things he didn't take down were the pictures. One because people would get suspicious if they were suddenly not there one day, and two because they also had given him hope.

_Hoping for the best, but expecting the worst Are you gonna drop the bomb or not?_

Marissa turned around to see an expressionless Ryan staring at her.

"Where'd you find that?" Ryan asked in a monotone, still expressionless.

"In the box in your closet," Marissa replied, forgetting that she wasn't supposed to be snooping.

"Oh," was all he could say. He should've known better than to label the box "M's Stuff."

_Let us die on Let us live forever_

Marissa ached to grab her ex-boyfriend by the shirt and dance with him. She had to dance with him. It was their song.

"Ryan?"

"Yeah," Ryan answered quietly.

"Dance with me," she requested.

"Marissa…." Ryan wanted to dance with her just as badly as she wanted to dance with him. He felt like he needed her body close to his. But he was unsure of what this would mean.

"Please," she pleaded with her eyes full of hope.

_We don't have the power But we never say never_

Ryan was unable to say no to Marissa Cooper. He had always been unable to. So instead of answering, he gave in and walked toward her. He paused when he was inches a foot away from her body, wanting to know if Marissa was serious.

Marissa answered his quiet question by taking a step forward and wrapping her arms around his neck. She tucked her head where his shoulders met his neck and breathed in his cologne.

Ryan was not at all surprised when Marissa took charge. He felt the sparks flying as she wrapped her arms around his neck and was relieved to know they were still there. For a moment, he just stood there and pinched himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming. When he was sure he wasn't, he took a half-step to get closer to her than rested his hands on her hips. He decided that this wasn't close enough for him so he wrapped his arms around her body, lacing his fingers together at the small of her back.

_Sitting in a sand pit , life is a short trip _

_Music's for the sad man _

And slowly but surely, the former lovers danced to _their_ song. In the middle of _their_ pool house.

Marissa's tears spilled down her cheeks as she held Ryan close. As many times as she'd dreamed of a moment like this, they have never felt this good.

Ryan closed his eyes and breathed in the scent that was so hard for him to forget. He nestled his head in her hair and held her tighter as their feet moved in synchronization.

_Can you imagine when this race is run? Turning up our faces into the sun_

"I miss you," Marissa was the first to break the silence.

Ryan's insides warmed up, as the words he had longed for were said.

"You too," Ryan was known for his short replies.

"It's so hard, Ry; being alone."

"I know."

"No you don't! You've got Lindsey!" Marissa protested, "You don't have any idea how hard it is for me to see you with her!"

"I don't know, I still feel alone," Ryan tried to calm her down with the tone of his voice.

_Praising our leaders, getting in tune Music's played by the mad man_

Marissa lifted her head up and looked at his dark blue eyes. What she was thinking in her head spilled out of her mouth. She couldn't stop it.

"I still love you, you know, just because we broke up doesn't mean I can just turn it off!" she cried.

Ryan searched her eyes for some hint that she was lying, but couldn't find one. In his dreams, Marissa had said the exact same thing. He pinched himself again to make sure he was conscious.

_Forever Young I want to be, __Forever Young _

Before he could answer back, Marissa slammed her lips onto his. She couldn't take being this close and not being able to kiss him, so she just did it. She kissed him with all the built up passion she had held inside her for too long. It was a kiss that wanted, longed, and thirsted for more.

Ryan didn't even think twice before he kissed her back. He held the back of her head as his lips sucked on her lower lip. He led her to his bed without breaking the kiss, and slowly laid her down. He got on top of her and supported his weight on his arms while Marissa slid her hands up and down his muscular back. She opened her mouth slightly and his tongue slid in and met with hers, adding to the kiss.

Suddenly, thoughts came rushing to Ryan's mind. Memories of his loneliness the days after she dumped him flooded his head. He tried to shoo them out of his mind as he focused on kissing her harder, but they just kept coming back.

"_I can't be with you anymore,"_ her sad voice echoed in his mind.

Anger built up inside him. He suddenly felt the pain he felt when she broke up with him. He stopped his lips and quickly got off of her.

"What's wrong? Don't you want this?" Marissa sounded worried.

"You killed me Marissa!" Ryan shouted.

"What?" She was clearly confused.

"Ever since the day you broke up with me I haven't been happy!" Ryan threw his hands to his hair and tousled it.

_Do you really want to live forever?_

Marissa looked shocked and scared. "I'm trying to make you happy again!"

"You can't just waltz in and out of my life when it's convenient for you!" he yelled.

"I'm not waltzing in and out Ryan! I love you!"

Ryan looked at a crying Marissa then at the floor and his breath slowed. "If you loved me you wouldn't have hurt me like you did," he said quietly, finally calming down.

"I didn't want to hurt you!" Marissa cried louder.

"Please just leave Marissa," Ryan had to be by himself.

"But I-" she tried as she got closer to him.

"Go," he said slightly louder. And with that, she left him hurt….again.

_Forever Forever._


	5. Take My Photo Off the Wall

**A/N-All of your reviews, they are so freaking wonderful :] They make me smile at the computer so much, that people think I'm a psycho who smiles at computers. Hahaha. Btw, that was me attempting to make a joke, if you didn't pick up on it :D Anyway, this chapter's lyric is from Look What You've Done by Jet. It's old, but I love it. And sorry for not posting earlier, you can thank my lack of productiveness for that one. Actually, it wasn't that I didn't want to post, it was that I couldn't because I was too unproductive to do my homework, resulting in a whole lot of zero's. Haha. Alright I'm rambling now so on with the story! **

**-Thatswhatyouget5**

**Take My Photo Off the Wall if it Just Won't Sing for You**

Summer folded Seth's weird band shirts and organized them in suitcases as she half heartedly listened to Seth's boring story about how he found out about his new favorite band. She would never tell anyone, but she found Seth's weird rambling comforting. She found it a pleasant distraction from the silence which she hated so much.

"So there I was, just laying on my bed being bored, when my alarm clock radio sounded off their infectious music. It was fate, I swear," Seth rambled.

"Sure, Cohen."

"It was! How often does an alarm clock radio in your room suddenly sound off amazing music?!" Seth defended himself.

"Uh I don't know? About every morning? You're so stupid," Summer sounded annoyed, but Seth knew it was just a cover-up to hide how she was really feeling.

"Hey, woman, maybe for you it does that every morning but not for-"Seth was interrupted by the sound of someone bursting through the door without knocking.

Summer felt a wave of relief as she saw Marissa at the door. _Now I can get away from Cohen, _she thought. But when she saw the tears on her best friend's face, her relief turned to worry.

"Sum, can we please go," Marissa said quietly, almost whispering, looking down.

"What's wrong Coop?" Summer urged her on.

"Nothing, let's just go."

Summer didn't question her any further, but she would demand serious answers when they were alone.

Marissa sat in the passenger seat of Summer's convertible, looking miserably out at the Newport scenery. Summer drove the car subconsciously, mostly she was thinking about why Marissa could be like this. They drove in silence, letting the distracting "chick tunes" fill the air.

* * *

When they got to Marissa's house, Marissa walked up to her door without saying a word to Summer. She opened the door and tried to close it but Summer stopped it before she could.

"I need to be alone, Summer," Marissa said in a dangerous tone.

"Coop let's just talk this out, what happened?" Summer tried to intercede.

"I really don't want to talk about it okay, so just go."

"If I leave you alone, will you drink yourself silly?" Summer knew her so well.

"No."

"You promise?"

"Yes! Okay? Now just go!" Marissa started to cry again.

"I'm not buying it, Coop. And I'm not just going to let you get drunk by yourself, so we're going to talk," Summer spoke boldly before walking in the house and closing the door behind her.

Marissa said nothing and sat on the expensive leather couch.

"Are you going to tell me what happened or what? Did something happen with Ryan?" Summer wasn't going to let Marissa stay silent.

Marissa started to feel the ache in her throat as she remembered what happened. She wanted to talk, but she'd rather pour out her heart to a bottle of pure vodka. She knew Summer wouldn't let her confide in the Vodka now, so she decided to tell her.

"Well I went over there and helped him pack," Marissa began, "And I found this box of stuff."

"What stuff?" Summer demanded. Marissa just fought back the tears.

"It was the stuff that reminded him of me." Marissa stared blankly ahead.

"Oh," was all Summer could answer. "We'll what happened after that?"

"Well I found this CD that had our song on it and it started playing," she let one lonely tear fall from her eyes before she spoke again, "And we danced to it. One thing led to another and we started making out."

"Marissa Cooper! You're a lot of things but you're not a home wrecker! He has a girlfriend!"

Marissa shut her eyes and paused to think about the consequences of that detail too. "Well it doesn't matter anyway. He wants nothing to do with me now, I messed things up."

"What do you mean you messed things up? I thought you made out?" Summer was clearly confused.

Marissa explained to her the rest of the story, while she let Summer hold her hand as she sobbed.

Summer put on a pouty face and wrapped an arm around her best friend's shoulder. "It's okay, Coop. It's going to be fine."

Marissa wished she could believe Summer, but she knew in her heart that things would definitely not be fine; especially when they had school in a few days.

* * *

The next day at school, Marissa and Summer walked into the student lounge together. Summer was aware of how scared Marissa was by the shaking of her fingers, and she had to admit that she was a little scared of what would go on, too.

They walked in with their arms linked and coffees in their free hands. Lindsey, Seth, and Zack were there, but Ryan was yet to be seen. Since Ryan wasn't there, they went through the morning peacefully, because no one knew about the incident besides Ryan, Marissa, and Summer, and they planned to keep it that way.

After the first bell rang, they all parted their usual ways as they went to their lockers. Summer felt so relieved to get through the morning before school without any big drama.

When Marissa made her way to her locker she saw someone standing by it. It was someone a familiar frame, a familiar shine of golden hair, and a familiar pair of brooding, blue eyes. Just a look from his beautiful face could make her melt.

She saw him and she almost smiled a guilty smile, but before she could, her conscience was reminding her of the burn of his words. _You killed me Marissa, leave. _And soon, the guilt was turned into anger. Marissa closed her eyes and sighed as she continued to walk to her locker. As she neared it, she noticed Ryan wasn't moving.

When she realized he wasn't going to move she stood still in front of him, made direct eye contact which was more like a glare, and said in a harsh tone, "Move."

Ryan looked at her with guilty eyes and replied, "Not until we talk."

"I certainly do not want to talk to you. So if you could excuse me, I need to get my books."

Ryan sighed. He should've known it wasn't going to be easy. Her walls were clearly up, and the fact that she looked dangerously attractive to him didn't help either.

"Please, Marissa." He gazed at her once again, trying not to get lost in her baby blue eyes.

She contemplated it for a moment, and then looked at her Gucci watch. She wasn't going to have enough time. She started to walk away and then motioned for Ryan to follow her.

"Where are we going?" Ryan sounded confused.

"This talk isn't going to be short and sweet, Ryan. And if we don't do it now, it'll never get done," Marissa answered blankly.

"You want us to skip?" Ryan asked like he was surprised.

"You want to talk or not?" she asked, making the decision quite easy.

Ryan didn't say anything, he just followed her.

* * *

She led them to the library building which was far enough from the quiet school buildings to not be seen or heard, never looked back at Ryan, and leant up against the brick wall.

Ryan stood in front of her and looked at his feet. He knew what he was going to say, he had practiced it all morning; but somehow, the words were failing to come out.

Marissa continued glaring at him and stated, "Are you going to talk or not?"

Ryan swallowed and began, "I'm sorry."

"You're damn right you are. And you should be," Marissa added harshly.

"Please just listen," Ryan pleaded.

Marissa sighed and gave up their silent battle.

"I'm not over you," Ryan looked up finally, and set his vision on the pair of eyes in front of him, "And I don't think I ever will be."

Marissa gasped the tiniest bit and she felt her heart soar and the butterflies in her stomach go wild. Her obvious anger toward Ryan quickly turned into affection. He always knew the right thing to say.

"I'm not over you either," Marissa answered with a shy smile.

Ryan shook his head at her and turned away before he started again, "The thing is Marissa; I think we both need to get over it." He paused and thought about his words again, "What we had was amazing while it lasted, but there was always problems coming up. And you said so yourself, drama follows us around. And I'm starting to realize that I can't take that either. I know it'll be hard to move on, but I think it's best that we try not to see each other often anymore. It's the only way I'll be able to get on with my life."

"But I love you Ryan, I can't stop that, I always will," Marissa tried to soften him with her words.

"Don't make this harder than it has to be, Marissa."

"So that's it then. From now on we're just friends, nothing more, forever" she felt tears coming.

"It's what you wanted, remember?" Ryan looked at her sadly and leant in to kiss her forehead, "Take care of yourself please."

And with that he left her, regretting every single word he had to say to her. _Why? Why the hell did I do that?_ He thought. He just shooed away the only girl he ever loved back, all because he was selfish. He thought that it was for the best at the moment, but now, he just wanted to take her in his arms and say sorry for everything: for dating Lindsay, for giving her mixed signals, and most of all, for hurting her. There were many things he could put up with, but he could not stand Marissa's tears, especially when he knew he was the reason for them. So he just walked alone, back to the student lounge, wishing for nothing more than to be with Marissa…._again._


	6. The Spaces Between My Fingers

**A/ N-Look how fast I got this post up! Hah, not really that fast, but faster than I usually get them up. I hope everyone had a very happy holiday :]. I have 1 week left of holiday break, and I plan to make the most of it, which includes writing more chapters for this. So let's all hope that I'm not lazy and get a bunch of chapters up before break is over! :D This chapter's lyric is from Vanilla Twilight by Owl City. Damn, I heart that song. The day after I bought it from iTunes, I swear it had like 25 plays. Mhm. :] Well then, on with the chapter! Review like crazyy!**

**PS: hpfangurl, this one's for you :] I don't know if you could call this fluff, but it's a step up from what happened last chapter.**

**-Thatswhatyouget5**

**The Spaces between My Fingers are Right Where Yours Fit Perfectly**

"Could have silence for a minute! I need to take roll call!" Mrs. Corbin tried to yell through the chaos of her homeroom trying to get their luggage cases into the maroon Harbor High vans. The day of the Palm Springs trip crept up on the gang. They were too caught up in their own drama to remember what day of the week it was, let alone realize the Palm Springs date.

When everyone quieted down, she called out last names one by one, waiting for the "here" that came after. Everyone was there, because they knew if they didn't go on the Palm Springs trip, they'd miss out on the drama and inside jokes that came with the trip.

After roll call, the students went back to ungracefully shoving their luggage bags into the cabinets of the expensive vehicle.

"Cohen! What are you doing! You can't put your bag on top of mine! I have shirts in there that CANNOT get wrinkled! Ugh do you not know anything!" Summer's screams at her ex were heard throughout the campus. But no one looked over, because they were used it.

Marissa shoved both of her Louis Vuitton suitcases into a half full cabinet. Proud of herself for being able to, she put her hands on her hips and turned around. As she looked up, she saw Ryan dodge a kiss goodbye from Lindsay and lean in just to give her a friendly hug. She laughed at the confused look on Lindsay's face and the awkward look on Ryan's. Marissa had been looking forward to this trip. It was probably easier to avoid Ryan's attempts to talk to her in Palm Springs than in Harbor High School. It's not that she didn't want to talk to him, she did. It was just that she was stubborn and she didn't want Ryan to get his way and be just friends. Now in Marissa's mind, it was couple or nothing.

* * *

"Could someone go grab my tote bag, I left it in the classroom," Mrs. Corbin yelled as the teens started to board the van. When no one answered, she looked around and said the name of the first person she saw.

"Ryan! Go to the classroom and grab my tote bag!" she yelled.

Ryan's neck whipped up as soon as his name was called. It was like he had been interrupted from his thoughts.

"Huh? Oh sure. Where is it?" he answered as he stood up a little taller.

"Next to my desk! Hurry!" his teacher yelled.

Ryan ran to the school building as fast as he could. It was times like these where his athleticism came in handy.

"Gosh dang it!" Mrs. Corbin yelled. The teens laughed at her replacement for swear words. "I forgot to tell him which tote bag!"

She looked around again and said the name of the first person she saw.

"Marissa! Go tell him I need the yellow one!" she yelled exhaustedly.

"But-"Marissa really didn't feel like running all the way to the classroom to talk to Ryan.

"Hurry!" Mrs. Corbin cut her off.

Marissa sighed and figured that there was no way she was getting out of this. She ran as fast as she could towards the brick building. Well, as fast as she could in tight skinny jeans.

When she reached the hallway the classroom was in, she saw Ryan jogging out of the room. A white bag and a yellow bag were slung over his broad shoulders.

"Wait! She needs the yellow one!" She said out of breath.

Ryan immediately looked up and stood still at the sound of her voice. Her body was heaving from running so fast, and her high pony tail was slightly out of place. But to Ryan, she still looked beautiful.

He shook his head as if to get thoughts of her out of his mind, and caught his breath before answering, "Oh, yeah I grabbed both."

"Well, we don't have time to put the other one back," Marissa said quickly.

"Yeah," Ryan replied as he looked into her eyes. He tried to look away but he just couldn't.

_Way to make things awkward, _Marissa thought. She felt herself getting lost in them and snapped back into consciousness. "Uh we should hurry back."

Ryan nodded and followed Marissa out the door.

* * *

When they reached the van, everyone was already loaded on. Ryan stood by the door and let Marissa in first. She looked for available seats, and was panicked as she saw there were only two more available seats….right next to each other.

Summer sat with Zack and Seth sat with some other nerdy kid. Marissa gave Summer a glare, and she mouthed, "sorry," in reply.

As Marissa headed for the empty seat closest to the window, Ryan gave Mrs. Corbin the bags, and looked for more empty seats but as he suspected, there were none. Seth was supposed to save him a seat. He looked for Seth and once he found him, shot him one of the famous Ryan Atwood glares.

"Sorry man, Gary wanted me to summarize the new graphic novel I just bought for him," Seth said regretfully.

Ryan didn't answer and walked down the aisle to the seat next to Marissa. He took this as an opportunity to talk to her, well, if Marissa would let him.

As he sat down, he opened his mouth to say something but, Marissa just looked out the window. She stubbornly gave him the cold shoulder. _This is going to be a long 4-and-a-half hours, _Ryan thought.

* * *

10 minutes into the ride, Evian water bottles were being passed down the aisles. When they reached Ryan, he grabbed two-one for him and one for Marissa. It was natural for him to think of her before himself. He offered her one and she just shook her head, not ever turning away from the window.

"Come on Marissa, you can't ignore me forever," Ryan tried.

He got no reply.

He decided he would just wait for her to talk. He was tired of trying.

* * *

An hour into the ride, Ryan pulled a bag of potato chips out of his backpack. He opened it and took a handful out before offering Marissa some.

Marissa smelled the potato chips right after he opened them. She was kind of hungry, so when he held the bag in front of her, she slowly reached her arm into the bag and pulled out a handful.

Ryan smiled and took this as a victory. And when she put her arm up for more, he didn't hesitate to hold the bag towards her again.

_So this is what we've achieved, nicely sharing a bag of potato chips, _Marissa thought, but she wasn't complaining.

* * *

Soon, Marissa became tired of the awkward silence and pulled her iPod out of her purse. She put the earbuds in her ear and turned the music up really loud. It wasn't soon before the soft music made her doze off and fall asleep.

Ryan was minding his own business when he felt Marissa lean on his shoulder. He tensed up at first, but when he saw she was sleeping, he relaxed.

He took this time to observe her. He noticed the little quirk in her nose when a piece of her dirty blonde hair fell in her face, and the way that her freckles dusted the bridge of her nose, as if they were sprinkled on. He noticed how her breathing was steady, unlike most of the time when she was awake.

God, he had missed her.

He moved his vision towards her hands, and then glanced at his. Somehow, he got the courage to reach out and lace their fingers together. When they were completely laced together, he smiled as he remembered how their hands seemed to fit together perfectly. He waited for her to pull back and yell at him, but to his surprise, she didn't. He let out the breath that he had been keeping in and relaxed.

Soon, Ryan and Marissa, the perfect couple, were asleep together. Hand in hand, with Marissa resting on Ryan's shoulder. Someone who didn't know them would've thought they were a couple.

* * *

Summer looked back and smiled, as did Seth. When they turned back, they looked at each other, like it was natural to smile at each other when they found Ryan and Marissa like that. Their grins grew even wider when they saw each other, and the rest of the ride was spent in peace. No tension in the air.

Too bad it was only an hour and a half till all hell would break loose.

Palm Springs, _here we come._


End file.
